Casting Shadows
by Torithy
Summary: She was hurting, but so was he. Anyone could see that. But unlike her, he needed to keep a clear head – anything less was going to get him killed.
1. one

**A/N: Hey guys - I've been going through and editing some of my old fics and this got a little bit of an overhaul. Nothing major in terms of plot, just some tweaking. The rest of the series is in the process of getting the same treatment! Thanks to everyone who's following Koz and Tasha's journey!**

**one.**

"Ten on ten," Clay said, his face stern as he looked around the room. "I'm sure I don't have to tell you we need our top guys on this – who knows what shit Weston'll try to pull. Of course we'll have all our bases covered too, but if it comes down to bare knuckles ... It's us or them, someone ain't walking away."

Taking a moment to light a cigar and to let the weight of his words sink in, the MC president flicked his Zippo closed. "So ... that said, anyone need or want out? If you ain't down with this one hundred percent, you ain't no good to me. This is no time to be trying to save face – this is about walking out of this with the same number we walked in with."

No one spoke. His men just traded glances and then fixed their gaze back to the head of the table.

"Good," Clay nodded. "Well, goes without saying me and Jax are in. That bastard's gotta learn you don't mess with family – Sam Crow _or_ Teller-Morrow. And our sergeant's never one to miss a fight – Tig's also liaising with our back-up. So that leaves seven slots to fill."

"We've already discussed this, guys," Jax said, from the vice-president seat beside his step-father. "And if you agree, we decided Chibs, Opie, Juice and Bobby, you should all be in on this – you've all proved yourselves before when shit's gone bad. That leaves us down three ..."

"Sack," Clay said. "You've impressed in the ring – you up for this, kid?"

"Totally," the Prospect nodded, just about hiding the underlying pride at being considered. Recognising the chance for what it was.

"Now, this is where we had to play it clever," Clay warned. "Piney ... Listen, old man, I don't doubt you could knock a few heads with that oxygen tank of yours, but we need our strongest possible men – some of those assholes Weston can call on are animals. We're calling in support from Tacoma and the nomads."

"Happy? Kozik?" Jax said, glancing from the stoic nomad to the Tacoma sergeant-at-arms. "Can we count on you guys?"

"Of course."

"Any time, bro – any time."

"Koz, you sure about this, man?" Jax asked, his tone low, reluctant as he was to single out the spiky-haired blonde in front of everyone. But it had to be done. "Family's what's getting us into this in the first place – no one's gonna say a word if you can't -"

"I 'ppreciate the concern, buddy – but I'm in. Simple as."

"Then it's settled," Clay ruled. "We ride out tomorrow night, soon as it gets dark. Clear heads, boys – we're gonna need 'em."

* * *

"Yo, Koz, not headed home?"

"Nah, man – you heard the boss. Clear head and all that," he forced a smile, going outside for fresh air and a smoke.

Jax leaned against the nearest wall as he lit up too and regarded his friend with a tactful curiosity. He could remember the not-too-distant days when Kozik would have been out of the Teller-Morrow compound almost before the gavel hit the table, in his haste to get back to Tacoma. No matter what Clay or anyone else said.

"So how've ya been?" the vice-president asked, keeping his tone casual. "It's been a few weeks since we've seen you ..."

"Guess so," Kozik nodded. "Took a while for the dust to settle after ... everything."

"And Tasha, she doin' okay?"

"From what she tells me," came the eventual loaded reply.

"It's not too late to get her down here – we're going on lockdown until this shit is done. I know Weston's more likely to concentrate his efforts on Charming, but if you're worried ..."

"She'd never go for it, not right now."

Usually he knew better than to push, but Jax couldn't help but make one last try. "Listen, man, I know we got this beef with Weston, but after ... If you need to talk, I'm just sayin' ... we're all here. Any of us."

"One shit-storm at a time, dude," Kozik drawled, taking another drag on his cigarette. "One shit-storm at a time."

* * *

Left alone by the well-meaning mother charter vice-president, Kozik pulled out his cellphone and considered it, his broad shoulders slumping. No missed calls, no messages. It never used to be that way.

Scrolling through his contacts, he found the number he was after and made the call, only to get on the receiving end of an answerphone message. It was tempting to just hang up. But he couldn't.

"Hey, baby," he managed, trying to keep his tone upbeat as usual. "Not gonna make it back tonight – got a bit of extra business with the boys. So I guess I'll see you in a day or so. Stay safe." And then, not an afterthought, just a hesitation. "Love you."

He hung up, finished his cigarette and pitched the butt to the ground, stubbing it out under the toe of his heavy motorcycle boot.

Kozik knew the following night was going to be brutal. He was looking forward to the release.

* * *

Listening to the voicemail in the darkness, Tasha curled up beneath the covers and closed her eyes, a tear slipping from beneath her lashes.

It was the first time she could remember that he hadn't told her not to worry about him. Did he think she wouldn't? That she didn't care? Not that she could exactly blame him for that, but it couldn't have been further from the truth. She was just doing a lousy job of showing it.

Tracing her fingers lightly over the tattoo on her opposite wrist, the young woman turned onto her back and stared up at the ceiling. Trying to block out how empty the bed felt without him. Without the soft snores he always denied and the nights when he'd teasingly hog the covers and then offer to warm her up. His deliberately lecherous grin rarely failed to make her laugh.

It had been two years since he'd marked her as his. She remembered the good-natured abuse he'd taken from the guys for waiting so long after their initial chance meeting in Charming.

Kozik had made no pretence about his intentions. When she just about made it to the Teller-Morrow garage before her beat-up old car had given out on her, he could have tried impressing her with his skills as a mechanic. Since he wasn't actually on Clay's payroll though, and was a guy who believed in getting to the heart of an issue, he'd settled for a different tactic.

Hanging around the office, flirting shamelessly with her while she waited and leaving a distinctly unimpressed Tig to do the actual work. Well, he was the one picking up a paycheck after all.

It may not have been subtle – but it had worked.

He gave her a ride home when Tig declared the car on the critical list and caused quite the stir in her quiet little neighbourhood. Tasha was a high school teacher, a good girl – not an obvious candidate to hang around a biker gang.

So arriving at her front gate with her arms wrapped around a Son of Anarchy, wearing his helmet while he went without ... She'd practically been able to hear the curtains twitching.

Of course her students loved it. To them, she was fresh out of college, not a dinosaur, and popular. Nowadays, there was flat-out awe in their eyes when Kozik gave her a lift home. And he loved the attention, showing off his Harley to the boys and waving cheekily to the girls who were clearly crushing on him.

"Oh Koz ..." Tasha managed through her tears, replaying his message. She loved him too, of course she did. And she hated herself for not being able to tell him that.

She was hurting, but so was he. She knew that. But unlike her, he needed to keep a clear head – anything less was going to get him killed.

* * *

**to be continued ...**


	2. two

**two.**

"Gemma? It's Tasha – in Tacoma?"

"Of course, sweetheart. How are you? What can I do for you?"

The Queen kept her tone light, underlain with unspoken sympathy for the girl on the other end of the line. But there was a discernable coolness there, however slight. She couldn't quite shift it and wasn't sure she wanted to.

"I'm really sorry to disturb you so early, but I just wondered if Kozik was there? I tried to call him, but his cell's off ..."

"Clay's orders, I'd imagine," Gemma said. "They're riding out tonight – no distractions allowed. I gotta say, Tash, I'm surprised you didn't want to be here." She could hear Tasha shifting, interpreted the unease in her pause.

"I ... Koz didn't tell me what's going on – he just said it was club business. Should I be worried?"

The Teller-Morrow matriarch sighed, wishing she could just bang the couple's heads together and have done with it. Sometimes she wondered how any of them would manage without her. And as if she didn't have enough on her plate already, now she seemed to be taking on Tacoma's shit too.

Their President, Deacon Kane, was a single man in his fifties – an ex career soldier, no ties. No Queen, no kids. The Sons were his family, but the club _always_ came first. It wasn't that he couldn't see Kozik was going through a bad time, or that he didn't care. He just had no idea how to fix it. And as long as the impact on the club didn't deepen, he'd let it slide.

They operated differently in Charming.

Clay was President, first and foremost. But he was also her husband, a father to Jax, grandfather to Abel. She had seen for herself how his priorities could shift. Knew that he understood it was the same for his guys.

Plus it was easier for him – he could let her handle the family shit.

"Sweetie, Clay needs his best guys to take on Weston's crew – ten on ten, no weapons. They're going out there to end this."

Gemma knew Tasha had been part of this world long enough to understand what that meant. They were going out there to kill or be killed. And while the girl's loud-mouthed, protective, show-off boyfriend was Tacoma's ruthless hitman and one of Clay's chosen men for very good reason ... she wouldn't be able to escape the fact that there was a very real risk he wouldn't be coming home to her.

"When?" Tasha's voice was reduced to a dry whisper.

"Tasha, I know you're upset, but-"

"_When_, Gemma?"

The Queen glared at the phone, unaccustomed to being spoken to in that tone by anyone who wasn't her husband. And even he would have thought twice. "After dark, but- Hello? Tasha? _Tasha!_"

She'd hung up.

* * *

Tasha's hands shook as she laced up her well-worn ankle boots, already glancing around and taking stock of what she needed. Not much – phone, wallet, keys ... Keys.

Forcing herself not to think about that for a second, she raked a hand through her hair and took a deep breath. _Focus._

She felt sick to her stomach, but it only took the sight of a framed photo to get her moving. Her and Kozik in front of his bike, his arm around her shoulders and both hers around his waist under his cut, both of them laughing as he whispered something undoubtedly dirty in her ear.

New determination on her face, she twisted her long blonde locks into a messy ponytail and tugged on her leather jacket, zipping it half-way up over her vest top. Then, after just a moment's deliberation, she jogged to the bedroom and slid open the top drawer of her bedside cabinet.

Her fingers brushed the cool steel of the .32 revolver Kozik had long since taught her how to use and she picked it up reluctantly. She had no intention of using it, but you could never be sure. She knew that.

Snatching the keys from the sideboard, she locked the door and then ran to the garage to throw up the heavy shutter, hesitant when faced with the sleek navy-blue Camaro. She could hardly walk to Charming though ...

"Don't be a pussy," Tasha told herself sternly, remotely unlocking the car and sliding behind the wheel. Taking a moment to adjust the seat, her mirrors. _Stalling_, she thought. And there wasn't time for that.

She stowed the gun in the glove box and turned the key in the ignition, wincing as the powerful engine roared to life. Thinking how much she'd rather be on the back of Kozik's bike right now, how much safer she'd feel. Then remembering how little time she had until he would be getting ready to hit the road.

Not bothering to close up the garage, she peeled out of the driveway without a backwards glance.

* * *

Kozik strode across the compound, game face already on.

He could feel the gazes of Sons outside the chosen few - plus a lot of the club's women – on them, but focused on shutting everything out. They had to go out there in the right frame of mind, all indestructible swagger, unswayable confidence and lethal force.

But he heard Gemma's soft "Come back to me" murmured to Clay, saw Tara channel her fear for Jax into a last kiss, Lyla wrap her arms around Opie to keep him close as long as possible. Saw it all and looked away. Towards Tacoma.

* * *

Tasha simply abandoned the car at the roadside and ran to the gate, realising the armed Prospects guarding the locked-down compound wouldn't recognise her and would have no warning she was coming. She had to have made the journey in record time, blotting out everything but her need to get there in time. To see him.

"Gemma!" she yelled, waving frantically to the older woman as soon as she spotted her. Flanked by the girlfriends of her son and his best friend, they were obviously waiting to see their men off.

"Let her in," Gemma instructed those posted on sentry duty. She looked like she had been expecting this, but there was something else – something Tasha couldn't read.

"Are they inside? Can I go in?" the blonde asked, already hurrying for the clubhouse. "They not in Church, are they?"

"Tasha ... Tash, slow down," the older woman sighed, catching her by the arm before she could get any further. "Jesus ... I'm sorry, baby – you're too late. He's gone. They've gone."

* * *

**to be continued ... **


	3. three

**three.**

"You should have been here sooner, honey," Gemma said, her tone matter-of-fact. Blunt. She'd never believed in sugar-coating anything and, in her mind, the Tacoma old lady still had a lot to learn about the etiquette of taking care of her man. "We're on lockdown. Everyone. As a club – a _family_."

"Sorry," Tasha forced a smile, her hands clenched around her glass. "Can't think why I wouldn't be on board with that. Ready to sit down and play happy families. My bad."

Waiting until she'd lit another cigarette and taken a long drag, Gemma willed herself to be patient. "Cut the sarcasm, it don't suit you," she said, levelling her gaze on the young woman sitting opposite her. But she took in the trembling hands, the eyes that had lost just a bit of their former sparkle. She was skinnier than she had been too – just enough to notice.

"Listen, sweetheart," the Queen said finally. "I know you've been through hell but you're tearing that man apart. Anyone can see he adores you, but he's starting to think you damn near _hate_ him!"

She'd thought it would take more, but the tears were already glistening. The guilt palpable. She wasn't telling the girl anything she didn't already know.

"God, Gemma, I've fucked up so badly!" Tasha choked out, dashing the back of her hand across her eyes. "And I've got no idea how to fix things ... I _never_ meant to take it out on him! I wouldn't blame him if he left me ..."

"Is that what you want?" Gemma asked, suspicions about the young woman's motives bubbling to the surface. She couldn't help it – she knew from experience how manipulative people were capable of being. Just because Tasha was feeling sorry for what she'd done, that didn't mean it hadn't been deliberate. "Are you trying to push him away? You haven't got the guts to walk out, so you want him to do it for you?"

"NO!" Tasha gasped, lifting her head with a look in her eyes that even the hardened older woman found heart-breaking. "I _love_ him – I don't know what I'd do without him!"

"Then you gotta show him, baby," Gemma advised, her lips pursed in satisfaction at the answer. "Before it's too late."

* * *

_Clear heads_, Clay had said.

It had been months since Kozik could honestly say that was anything like an option for him. One night had changed everything. A night that was still hellishly fresh in his mind.

He knew he shouldn't think about it, not now. But if switching off was as simple as that, maybe his world wouldn't have fallen to shit in the first place. So his only other tactic was to channel his frustrations towards the task in hand. God help whoever ended up on the receiving end.

* * *

The almost full moon lighting their way, the biker remembered how clear it had been that night too. How Tasha had pointed up at a shooting star as they strolled towards her car, her arm tucked through his. Both of them content in each other's company, relaxed after one of Gemma's infamous dinners – one of the rarer drama-free ones.

No cuts needed, no croweaters or hangers-on - just family. In the extended sense, of course.

She'd told him to make a wish, getting the cheesiest grin in return as he planted a sloppy kiss on her. _"Got everything I need right here, baby girl."_

She'd rolled her eyes and laughed at him. Exactly the response he'd wanted – he loved her laugh. Not that he saw it much these days. That, like so many other things, had been stolen from him that night.

_FLASHBACK_

With a blast of the horn for Gemma and Clay who had stepped out to wave them off, Kozik pulled the car out onto the road, one hand already tapping out a little beat on the steering wheel in time to the radio and the other resting on Tasha's knee. Her fingers caught in his.

Sneaking glances at her in the deepening darkness, he smiled to see her fighting sleep for so long, trying to stifle yawns and her eyes growing heavier until her head had finally slumped to the side and she drifted off. He even slowed a little, not wanting the motion of the car to wake her. They had a long drive ahead ...

That was when he realised the van behind them wasn't just _behind_ them – it was on their tail.

He'd had his suspicions from the moment the vehicle had sped up to catch them, but then held back instead of over-taking. And when he'd slowed, the van had too.

They weren't in a good area – it was a wilderness of sorts, just shy of halfway between Charming and Tacoma. An area the Sons had less clout in, but where they had shut down a top heroin trafficker the previous week all the same, because he'd pissed off the Rogue River president. Shut down in the permanent sense.

Kozik made a sharp left without signalling, just to check. Tail was still there. He swore under his breath as the van bore down on them, his foot heavy on the gas and the speedometer creeping up. Then came the jolt as the van caught the rear bumper.

"Koz?" Tasha sat up straighter, rubbing sleepily at her eyes. "What's wrong? Did we hit something?"

"We got a problem, honey," he admitted. "But it's okay, just hang tight."

And then they were racing along twisting roads in the darkness, his foot to the floor of her beat-up old Honda and the van driver no longer even attempting to hide what he was doing – trying to run them off the road.

They had to have been watching them for a while to know who they were after. Kozik wasn't on his bike, wasn't wearing his cut. But they had to know who he was. This was no random act of intimidation.

"Fuck!" Kozik ground out as he struggled with the wheel, the car veering wildly across the road and making Tasha gasp in alarm as she grabbed for the Jesus handle above her window. Fumbling in the pocket of his jeans for his cellphone, he tossed it to his girlfriend. "Call Deacon. No, wait – we're closer to Charming, just about. Call Clay, tell him the H-bomb dropped and we need back-up – he'll get it. Tell him to get word to Rogue River – we're on their turf."

Wide-eyed, she did as she was told. The conversation short and terse, her panic barely contained.

"They're on their way," she told Kozik, looking back over her shoulder in fear. "Happy and Chibs are on a run with the Rogue River guys ... Clay'll make sure they send whoever they can round up. Who are they, Koz? What do they want?"

"Hey," he said sharply, reaching out to turn her face to his with one hand. "Hey, look at me. You don't gotta worry. It's gonna be okay, babe – I _promise_."

Then their aggressors started shooting.

It all happened so fast after that – it was only later that he would realise the gunfire had blown out one of their rear tyres, sending the car into an uncontrollable spin off the road and into a wall with a sickening crunch.

When Kozik came to, he was dimly aware of something warm and wet on the side of his face, but his first coherent thoughts were for Tasha before he realised three men in balaclavas had jumped from the van and were fast approaching.

They must have been expecting him to either be unarmed or in no shape to defend himself – amateur mistake if they knew anything about the Sons and how they operated. He wasn't the sergeant-at-arms for shits and giggles, as the first of the men probably realised in the split second before he took a bullet to the face.

The other two were more on the ball, weapons already drawn. But with Tasha to think about, Kozik didn't even hesitate to haul himself out of the wreck, unflinching even under the hail of bullets that rained around him and taking the two of them out before racing to the van.

With a fury born primarily out of fear for the woman he loved, he roared at the driver to get out of the stalled van which was now failing to start for him. Not waiting for him to comply, he instead smashed the window with the butt of his gun and hauled the much scrawnier man through the opening like a rag-doll before driving him face first into the tarmac.

The agonised howl died on the driver's lips as the bullet blasted through the back of his neck.

Breathing heavily, Kozik bent over with his hands on his knees, vaguely aware of a searing pain in his shoulder. But, after just a few seconds, he tucked the Glock into the waistband of his jeans at his back and forced himself to jog to the passenger's side of the crashed car.

"Tash, you okay, babe? Tasha? Oh shit!"

Seeing her slumped in her seat, he grabbed the door handle to try to get to her. The metal was buckled too badly to cooperate at first. But with renewed strength, he wrenched at the door until he was shaking from the strain on his muscles and it finally gave under the brute force.

"Tasha, sweetie, wake up ... Come on, baby, please," he begged, brushing her hair back from her face, one eye on the smoke starting to billow from beneath the hood of her car. Realising the whole thing could go up any minute. "Jesus ..."

Scared to move her in case he did more damage but more scared not to, he eased her into his arms and somehow manoeuvred her out of the car, carrying her lifeless form to a safe distance before he laid her gently on the ground. Horrified to find, as he dialled 911 and demanded an ambulance, that he was now covered in blood that had to be hers.

And that was how Happy, Chibs and the others found him when they pulled up in a shower of gravel and clambered off their bikes. On the ground in a growing pool of blood, cradling the crumpled body of his heavily pregnant girlfriend in his arms.

* * *

**to be continued ...**


	4. four

**four.**

Staring into the distance, watching the lights of a couple of pick-up trucks approaching, Kozik shifted impatiently. His eyes narrowing as he tried to loosen up the muscles in his neck and shoulders in preparation.

He was only dimly aware of the other guys flanking him – Juice on one side, looking more focused than he remembered ever seeing the usually upbeat Puerto Rican. Happy on the other, as grim-faced yet oddly at ease as ever.

"No one moves 'til I give the word," Jax was warning, but Kozik barely heard him. He couldn't get that night out of his head.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Jesus fucking Christ..." the Rogue River sergeant-at-arms murmured, as they stared in horror at the burning wreck and the bodies on the ground. "What can we do? Chibs?"

"I'm a field medic, Knox - not a bloody midwife!" the Scotsman bit out sharply, hating the helplessness he felt as he heard the young woman regaining consciousness only to cry out in pain and fear. But he dropped to his knees anyway beside where an ashen-faced Kozik was trying to calm his girlfriend.

"Easy now, lovie," Chibs soothed, trying to sound in control. "That little 'un of yours doesn't need its mum all worked up ... Just lie back, that's a good girl."

"H-hurts ..." she managed, gasping in agony as another flash of something red-hot and knife-like twisted through her abdomen, feeling like it was tearing her in two. "Make it s-stop!" she sobbed, "Oh god, the baby ... Koz, it hurts s-so bad ..."

"Fuck, Chibs, please help her!" Kozik pleaded desperately. "Just hold on, Tash – it's gonna be okay, honey."

"Shite, she's going into shock," Chibs swore. "Where the fuck's that ambulance? We gotta keep her warm ..."

Thinking quickly, Happy pulled off his cut and stripped off the heavy navy hoodie below, prompting Knox to do the same and handing them over to Chibs. The one-time medic raising an eyebrow when he considered the source of the gesture, but there was no time to dwell.

"Chibs, she's not moving!" Kozik's voice rose in panic as he clutched her hand in his. "Tasha!"

His fingers swiftly moving to the pulse point at her neck, Chibs frowned in concentration and then sighed. "It's weak, but it's there. She's just passed out again, lad – all things considered, it might be better for her."

"Ambulance is here," Happy supplied, spotting flashing lights in the distance.

"Come on, Koz, let's give 'em room," Chibs urged.

"I can't leave her!"

"Course not, man – we just need to back up a bit and- Fucking hell, why didn't you say something?" Chibs exclaimed, as the blonde winced when he grabbed his arm.

"What is it?" Knox demanded, seeing Happy have to grab him as well when his legs threatened to give way.

"He took a bullet in the fucking shoulder," Chibs said grimly. "Nothin' but damn adrenaline been keeping him goin'. Stay still, you bloody idiot! Get one of those medics over here ..."

"No! Tasha needs them!" Kozik protested, struggling to get to her again.

"You're fuck all use to that wee girl dead!" Chibs told him sternly, "Now sit down or I'll put you down!"

* * *

Kozik could have driven his opponent to the ground with one solid punch.

That racist bastard behind Gemma's brutal rape had shown up, his men armed to the teeth. Going against the agreement. But Jax had been too smart for him – their own back-up, a little armed outside support, more than capable of stopping Weston in his tracks.

And now all through the isolated clearing, the Sons were handing out beat-downs. The fights were brutal, bloody, and for the most part brief. Not for Kozik though. He could have finished it just as quickly, but instead he was actually holding his guy up and forcing him to stay on his feet. One hand fisted in the front of his shirt, the other raining blows on his already mangled face.

This was supposed to be about Jax and Clay's revenge on Weston for what he'd done to Gemma. But bad as that was, all Kozik could see in his head was Tasha. From the fun-loving young woman who'd only been all the more gorgeous to him with her glowing skin and growing belly – to the shockingly fragile figure who'd lain in that hospital bed ...

_**FLASHBACK**_

"Why the fuck ain't anyone tellin' me anything?" Kozik demanded as he paced the hospital corridor, breaking stride only to slam his fist against the wall and making everyone wince. "I should be with Tash!"

"Aye, I know, brother," Chibs sighed in understanding. "But considerin' they just finished plugging holes in ya, you're damn lucky to be standing here at all."

"This is my fault. I shoulda done something ..."

"Like what?" Knox frowned. "Get yourself shot _twice_? This ain't down to you, man. You did everything you could."

"That's my _family_ in there!" Kozik yelled, rounding on his friend as he gestured wildly towards the operating theatre. "I'm supposed to keep them safe, _protect_ them ..." Slumping down on a hard plastic seat he looked much too big for, he buried his face in his hands before running them through his hair as he looked up desperately. "I can't lose them, Knox."

"It ain't gonna come to that," his Rogue River counterpart said, hoping he sounded more confident than he felt.

* * *

All his own pain and anger pouring out, it took the sudden wail of police sirens to break his focus. Bringing his knee up hard into the stomach of his unfortunate target, Kozik finally let him go. The body slumping lifeless to the ground.

Just as frustrated as the others to have been interrupted, albeit for different reasons, Kozik straightened up, breathing heavily. His knuckles bruised and bloodied, his ribs aching from where a couple of lucky blows had landed early on and his shoulders aching from the force of his own punches.

"Who the fuck called the cops?" he demanded, aiming a kick at his downed opponent's ribs.

"Easy, man," Jax said, even though he shared his frustrations. "Hey, come on – let's just get the hell out of here before Hale decides to pull us all in."

It was all right for him to say, Kozik thought. He had family to go home to.

* * *

**to be continued ...**


	5. five

**five.**

Curled up on the couch, clutching a battered cushion to her chest, Tasha's eyes kept flicking to her watch as minutes turned to hours. Her mind in overdrive.

What if she was too late? What if she had pushed him away until he was sick of dealing with her, if she had hurt him too badly? What if he had decided he'd finally had enough and she wasn't worth the hassle?

He'd always had girls practically hanging off him at the clubhouse back home, it was probably the same here. Worse because he didn't have to be reminded about her. On runs to Charming or further afield, he could be that single guy again. No ties or responsibilities. No drama, just desperate women offering themselves up on a plate. Younger women, hotter women. Porn stars, for Christ's sake.

And that aside, there was her other fear. One too horrible to even think about. One she tried to push out of her mind, but which kept creeping back like some all-consuming cancer, sowing misery in her thoughts. Growing, deepening. Threatening to overwhelm her.

The fear that Clay or Jax or someone would walk through that door and tell her that shit had turned bad. That they were sorry, but there was nothing they could do.

Someone was always sorry. Fat lot of good that did when they were breaking your heart. She knew that from experience. The doctors had been sorry ...

And Kozik had been sorry too. Fresh guilt hit her when she remembered how broken he had looked – she'd never seen him cry before. Or since. How could she have pushed him away like that, when he was hurting just as much as she was?

He'd been so excited about being a dad. And when they'd found out she was having a little boy ... She'd thought he was going to explode with pride. She could practically see his mind working – teaching him to throw a football, ride his first bike. Patching his son into the club ...

And he'd hardly been able to wait to share the news with the guys, both in Tacoma and Charming.

_**FLASHBACK**_

"We didn't expect to see you until next week – not that you're not always welcome," Clay said, clapping a hand to Kozik's shoulder in greeting. "No bike – you having trouble?"

The Tacoma sergeant-at-arms grinned as he glanced over to where Tasha was catching up with Gemma and Tara and shook his head. "Nah – Tash just ... wasn't keen."

"Bitch got you whipped, boy," Tig smirked, having overheard as he strolled over to see what was going on.

"Call her a bitch again, Tiggy, and you'll be the only one getting whipped," Kozik said, a casual and deceptively friendly smile on his face. But nothing was going to bring him down. Not today. "Anyway, we weren't just passing – we've actually got some news." Sliding his arm around Tasha as she moved to his side with a smile, he grinned round at the now curious guys around them. "Get ready to extend the Reaper Crew, boys – there's gonna be the pitter-patter of little feet around Tacoma ..."

"You're getting a dog?" Bobby deadpanned, but he was already starting to smile at the obvious news.

"This amazing woman's having my baby!" he announced. "How cool is _that_?"

"That's very cool, man," Clay smiled, shaking his hand and leaning down to kiss Tasha's cheek. "Congratulations – this calls for a celebration!"

Laughing as his club brothers all jumped in to offer their best wishes, Kozik grinned from ear to ear, every inch the proud father-to-be.

"You're gonna have your hands full looking after two kids," Tig told Tasha, shooting a scathing look in his counterpart's direction.

"Aww, Tiggy!" Kozik just grinned, having overheard him. "That was almost sweet – I think he was offering to babysit, honey ..."

"The hell I was!"came the glared response, before he was pushed aside by Chibs.

"Ay congratulations, lass – 'course, you know this is almost totally gonna ruin any chance of you and me runnin' away together?"

"Almost?" Tasha laughed, as the Scotsman pulled her into a warm hug. Chibs was almost as big a flirt as Kozik himself and, despite the foul mouth and hot temper, his big heart and twinkling brown eyes rarely failed to win the ladies over. That or get him into trouble.

"Never say never," he winked, kissing her cheek. "You make sure that man of yours takes good care of you, love."

"Oh he will," she smiled. "He always does."

* * *

"Oh come on, Abel – Daddy's not here right now, be a good boy and go to sleep," Tara whispered as she walked in rocking the fractious baby in her arms, before spotting Tasha. "He won't settle," she said, by way of explanation. "I think it's because Jax isn't here."

Offering a tight smile, Tasha watched the doctor's efforts as she tried to sooth the youngster, her gaze drawn to the baby boy despite her best efforts. It didn't dawn on Tara for a couple of minutes, occupied as she was.

"Oh, Tasha, I'm sorry," she said guiltily. "I should have thought – I'll take him out-"

"Don't be silly. Here, let me take him for you for a bit."

"Are you sure?"

But the blonde just nodded and got to her feet, holding out her arms to take the child and cradling him to her chest. "Hey, Abel," she whispered, one gentle finger caressing his baby-soft cheek as he gurgled up at her. "He's getting big. Looks so much like Jax too."

Nodding, Tara took the opportunity to sit down, watching Tasha as she paced back and forth in an effort to get the already drowsy baby back to sleep. "You're good with him," she smiled. "A natural. You'll be a great mom some day."

"We'll see," Tasha said, not looking up.

"I mean, you two do still want kids?" Tara prompted gently, not wanting to push too much but thinking it might help her friend to start thinking more about the future. "You and Kozik?"

"Koz would love to be a dad," came the soft reply. "He'd be great too. I know what some people think of him, I know what he's capable of too – the things he's done for the club, the people he's killed ... But he's different with me."

"He loves you." Tara got it. After all, she was an old lady of a Son as well and, while Jax may have been awarded his rank by birth rather than earning it like Kozik, she knew what he too was capable of when he wasn't with her and Abel.

"The doctors said we might have trouble, you know? After what happened. Because of my injuries ... I might not be able to have kids," Tasha continued quietly, after a long pause. Stunning her companion into silence with the fresh admission.

"I ... I'm so sorry, I had no idea," Tara said finally, mortified as she realised the unwitting insensitivity she had shown with her earlier comments. "But they didn't totally rule it out, right? I mean, you could still try for another baby ..."

"I guess I just don't know how much more Koz can handle," she sighed. "After all the shit I've given him, blaming the club for what happened, I don't get why he wouldn't just find someone else. Make things easier for himself.

"There are plenty of girls in Tacoma – here too probably – who'd give their right arm to be with him. Girls who would love the prestige of being with a Son, especially one with rank. Girls who aren't damaged goods."

"Don't say that," Tara frowned. "That's not what you are – not to anyone, but especially not to Kozik."

"He wants to be a father, Tara – if I can't give him that, what else would you call me?"

"Listen, that man loves you more than you realise," the doctor told her earnestly. "I remember after the accident, Jax coming home from the hospital to fill us in, telling us what a state Koz was in. How he'd told the doctors that they had to save his family – but that if it came down to a choice ... they had to save _you_.

"He was devastated you lost the baby, but losing you would have _killed_ him."

Fighting a losing battle to keep back tears, Tasha looked down at the now sleeping baby in her arms and couldn't help imagining how different things could have been. "I need to make things right with him."

"Damn right, you do," Gemma said from the doorway where she'd been listening, head cocked to one side and her arms folded across her chest. "So like I told you, moping around here looking like shit ain't gonna cut it, honey – we got work to do."

* * *

**to be continued ...**


	6. six

**six.**

"I feel kinda stupid ..."

"Not really what we're going for here. Come on, girl – do you want to make an effort for your man or not?"

"I guess I'm too busy worrying about getting him back in one piece to care whether I look like a croweater or not."

"A croweater? Oh honey, please – give us some credit!" Gemma smirked as she admired her handiwork. "Although you are borrowing from a porn star's wardrobe ... No offense."

"None taken," Lyla grinned from the doorway. "You look amazing, Tash - that top looks _way_ better on you than me. Just make sure Koz doesn't rip it off you ..."

Flushing just a little under the teasing, Tasha couldn't help letting the enthusiasm of the other women infect her, despite everything. In her head, she knew it would take a lot more than a slick of lipgloss and borrowed clothes to get things properly back on track. But all the same, there was no denying the butterflies beginning to flutter in her stomach.

"I feel like a kid before her first date!" she admitted with a little laugh, her eyes still obediently closed as someone finished fixing her hair.

"Well, you sure don't look like one," Tara smiled. "I think we're done here ..."

The three women stood back to survey her critically, taking in the tousled blonde waves that tumbled over her shoulders, the silk camisole that clung to her curves and brought out her clear green eyes. It had taken a dose of instant fake tan to regain the healthy glow she'd once had, but she looked all the better for it ...

But before they could allow her to even get a look in the mirror, they were interrupted. By the rumble of motorbikes.

* * *

Her eyes flying open, Tasha jumped to her feet and exchanged helpless glances with Lyla, Tara and Gemma. They had no idea what to expect. If the ten men who had rode out earlier would all have returned. How badly any or all of them might be injured.

Hurrying for the door, they ran out to the darkness of the yard, all four trying to count bikes and look for their man.

Tasha's heart dropped into her stomach, but in the next instant, she spotted a figure she would recognise anywhere right at the end of the line. A little more tired than usual as he swung his leg over his bike to dismount, hanging his helmet on the handlebars before trying to straighten out the protesting muscles in his shoulders.

She wanted to run to him, but her legs didn't seem to be co-operating. He had spotted her though, obviously shocked to see her stood there. She hated that he hadn't expected her, that she would ever have put any doubt in his mind about how she felt.

But then he was in front of her, with that lopsided little smile he'd always offer her when he wasn't sure how she'd react. "Hey, baby."

"Oh god, Koz ..." Her eyes filling with tears as relief washed over her and she just pulled him into her arms, fighting to keep back tears as she hid her face against his neck.

"I'm so sorry ..." she whispered, her lips soft against his skin. "For everything."

* * *

Sitting side by side on the edge of the bed in the soft glow of the tiny lamp, Kozik could hardly take his eyes off Tasha as she gently cleaned the blood from his hands. He barely even flinched under the sting of the antiseptic.

She knew he had been more than a little surprised to see her in Charming at all - let alone in his arms, holding him like she was scared he'd disappear on her. And it seemed the others had noticed.

"Aw, come on, man! The girl came all this way for your sorry ass, least you could do is make it worth her while!" Bobby had hollered teasingly across the lot, Kozik just flipping him off as he grabbed Tasha's hand and pulled her towards the clubhouse.

"Hope no one was planning on seeing those two for a while," they'd heard Jax laugh before they disappeared inside.

"What?" he asked now, as Tasha glanced up from what she was doing from beneath long lashes and laughed softly.

"You, looking at me like that. You're not even saying anything and you're making me blush."

"Just thinkin' how much I don't deserve you," he told her, stealing a soft kiss but frowning when her smile faded and she tried to turn her attention back to what she had been doing. "Tash? What did I do wrong?"

"You didn't do anything wrong," Tasha whispered, feeling even worse that he kept trying to shoulder some kind of blame. Blame she had no right to put on him. "Just ... Just don't say that, okay? That you don't deserve me. It was never true, but especially not after what I did to you."

"Tash ..." Kozik sighed, slipping his hands out of hers and putting the cotton wool she'd been using to one side before reaching out to tilt her face back up to his. "Don't do this to yourself, baby."

Seeing the side of him no one else ever did, Tasha leaned in to kiss him softly. Tacoma's ruthless killer. Sam Crow's dependable muscle. But under that confident exterior lay the man she knew would do anything for her. The man who made her feel like no one else ever had.

Slowly, she reached for the buttons of his shirt, his cut already off and over the back of a chair. Feeling the heat of his gaze on her as she pushed the soft material over his shoulders and traced her fingers tenderly over the huge bruise already darkening over his ribs.

"Lucky shot," Kozik told her huskily. "It's nothing."

Kissing him again, her tongue tangling with his, Tasha slipped her arms around his neck and let her fingers run through his blonde hair as he pulled her onto his lap. Her lips trailing from his to press feather-light kisses along his jaw.

"You know I love you, right?" she managed breathlessly, his mouth raining hot kisses anywhere he could find bare skin and his hands easing the thin straps of her top down.

That grin of his that had been missing for too long back in force as deep blue eyes met clear green. "I love you too, gorgeous – now shut up and let me prove it ..."

**END.**


End file.
